Dating 201

Guest: Gabe Boyd

Dating 201 - Both Gabe and I agree that the responsibility to pursue in a relationship generally falls on the guy. Let’s continue our examination of this…

Gabe: in the concept of pursuing a woman, marriage is not the “finish line.” As a man, you are always after her heart, learning more about her, taking the relationship deeper and growing in intimacy!

“Markers” in a relationship are important - birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries - but men should be intentional about growing the relationship “every” day of the year as well.

Remember that if a guy is “out-kicking his coverage” it might also imply that a girl is settling for less. Guys, if you’re looking to pursue and connect your life with a quality woman, you need to make sure you step up your life to not only meet her on that level of maturity, but also get to the point where you can lead her in your relationship.

Guys - pursue a woman well - be intentional about the time you spend together - this shows her that she is valuable and worthy of your time and attention. A woman who is an “after-thought” will soon be just that. And, your continued pursuit of that woman can and should continue throughout the year, and year after year. Guys, if you’re more concerned about lowering your golf score than you are about improving your relationship with your wife, you need to reevaluate your priorities.

Myths that Guys Believe:

1. I’ll do whatever it takes to get her attention. If you need to do something “out of character” to get her attention, that will backfire on you - be confident in the man that you are and work to win the attention of a young lady with quality and significance. Remember your character is being revealed in your actions - Proverbs 20:11 says that even a child is known by his actions.
2. Alcohol makes me a more desirable person - funnier, more charming, more confident. Wrong. If you believe that you’re a better version of yourself under the influence of alcohol, then what happens to a relationship with someone when you’re not under the influence - you’re boring, not charming, not confident? Don’t let the “best version” of yourself only be revealed because of the influence of alcohol! For many, the worst version of who they are is also revealed under the influence of alcohol.
3. One for the girls…a bad relationship is better than no relationship. Nope. If you’re worth the wait, don’t settle for less than God’s best!
4. Guys can treat girls the same way we treat our buddies! Nope. Girls are not guys with long hair who smell nice. Girls are different and should be treated differently than one of the boys! This takes some work for guys, but it’s worth it.

How should we “start” a relationship with a young woman?

1. Look to serve others.
2. Learn the art of conversation.
3. Learn how to ask a good, thought-provoking question.
4. Look to build a friendship before you even build a “relationship.”
5. Learn how to treat all women with respect and value.
6. Learn how to compliment a girl on something other than her appearance - her character, her abilities, etc.

Guys - don’t wait for a girl to pull you up to her standard, get busy and put in the work and effort to be the man that the woman you’re interested in needs to lead her and love her well.

Take-away: men, look to make everyone around you feel valuable and significant in the way that you treat them!