Training4Manhood

Men, Two Words: Finish Well

Guest: Robert Christian

CW5 Robert Christian was raised in McAllen, Texas.  He reported to Basic Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina in 1996.  Attending Advanced Individual Training (AIT) at Fort Gordon, Georgia, he was assigned the MOS of 25U, Signal Support Systems Specialist. During his 10 years enlisted time, Rob served in the ranks of Private thru Sergeant First Class.  

Rob holds a Bachelor of Science in Information Technology Management and is a graduate of the Army Warrant Officer Senior Service Education (WOSSE) course.  His combat deployments include Afghanistan, Iraq, and East Africa.  His awards and decorations include the Bronze Star Medal, the Defense Meritorious Service Medal (1BOLC), the Meritorious Service Medal (2BOLC), the Joint Service Commendation Medal, the Army Commendation Medal (1BOLC), the Army Achievement Medal (3BOLC), the Combat Action Badge, the Parachute Badge, and the Air Assault Badge. Rob has been married to his wife Leilani for 22 years.  They have 5 children ages 17-2.

 

If Robert could go back, what advice would he give himself to avoid some of life’s pitfalls? Robert’s words - “It ain’t worth it.”

 

Excellent resource - Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices by Thomas Brooks

 

Have you seen another man who really lived out his faith in Christ - spent time in the Word, in prayer, speaking truth and fighting against sin in their own life?

 

You must understand this truth: you will reap what you sow. If you plant apple seeds, don’t expect to eat oranges later in life. God’s Word says this in Galatians 6:7-9:

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

What is it about those “middle-ages” from 40-50 years old - you are either going to make it or break it - what will be the difference in your journey? Consider the small “crack” in your windshield of life - if you don’t address it early, if you leave it alone and just wish it away, that small crack will most likely spread across your life and cost you the integrity of your windshield, which is a metaphor for your life!

 

1 Peter 5:8-9 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

 

Man Alive: Transforming Your Seven Primal Needs into a Powerful Spiritual Life by Patrick Morley

Robert - two things to address everyday - obedience and sacrifice.

Robert - finish well. There are too many examples of guys who are taken out of the race of life and don’t finish well - and how do you finish well…cling to Christ.

 

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle (info@training4manhood.com) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Huge thank you to Jared Wood for allowing T4M to use his music in our intro and outro selections.

Year End 2022, Fresh Start 2023

Guest: Gabe Boyd

 

Resolutions and Advice to Young Converts by Jonathan Edwards

 

Luke 2:52 - Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with man.

 

How do we set goals that challenge us, but are also something that we can accomplish in the upcoming year?! As you evaluate life and areas for growth, ask some friends and family for recommendations on areas where you can improve - trust me, they’ll have a few suggestions for you!

 

Gabe - it’s about progress, not perfection!

 

Building a better life includes building a strong community, surrounding yourself with godly men who can model the way for you, older guys to mentor you and younger guys you can pour life into - building that strong community is vital.

 

Goals aren’t just about you getting better, but getting better for the purpose of doing all that God has called for you to do - it’s not about you, but about you actively being engaged to make the world a better place!

 

Areas for growth:

• Wisdom
  • Reading - this year, set a goal to read at least one book a month! Start somewhere!
    • Various categories to consider:
      • Spiritual Disciplines - Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline
      • Passion & Devotion
      • Cultural Apologetics
      • Biblical Literacy - Watchman Nee, How to Study the Bible
      • Marriage & Family - Paul David Tripp, Parenting
• Stature
  • What are your goals to be the best version of yourself in terms of your physical stature - but also in terms of your mind, emotions, how you carry yourself, your attitude…
  • Difference between your job - vocation and calling - check out The Call by Os Guinness
• Favor with God
  • Learning how to rest in His grace and love - battling against the “performance culture” that tries to mold believers into the world’s idea of “success” - Scripture tells us that we’re working from victory (in Christ) and not to victory
  • We learn to live in obedience not for our own glory, but to bring the proper attention and give the proper weight to who God is - He is worthy of our lives - our “worth-ship”
• Favor with man
  • Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
  • The Bait of Satan by John Bevere and When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch deal with the power and importance of forgiveness
  • Galatians 5:16-23 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

 

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle (info@training4manhood.com) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Huge thank you to Jared Wood for allowing T4M to use his music in our intro and outro selections.

How Can a Man Grieve Well?

Guest: Clayton Kendall

 

Clayton and Ashley lost their third son Myers Crawford Kendall unexpectedly on April 12, 2018. Here is Myers’ obituary. I am very thankful to Clayton for taking the time to share his experience and the life lessons he learned walking through the grief process in hopes of helping others who are grieving.

 

Do men handle grief well - or do men generally stuff their emotions, hide their true feelings, and not proceed through the grief process well?

 

The grief process will look differently as you walk through it - and how you grieve will be different than how others grieve. Learn to give space and grace to others.

 

You need a good community and good relationships to help you walk through difficult times. There are times you need space…but you also need guys around you to encourage and challenge you when needed.

 

Clayton’s suggestions for walking well through grief:

• Grief is designed by God and when you respond well you will find that the Lord will draw near to the broken-hearted.
• Don’t retreat, don’t isolate.
• Talk with others, be open.
• Surround yourself with those you know, trust, and love.

 

Recommended Resources:

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power by Levi Lusko

Where is God in Our Grief: Lessons from CS Lewis - material from Hope for the Heart

 

T4M guys - just a reminder that Training4Manhood is a non-profit, 501()(3) ministry and you can make donations either via Zelle (info@training4manhood.com) or by visiting the Training4Manhood website.

Huge thank you to Jared Wood for allowing T4M to use his music in our intro and outro selections.

Urge the Younger Men to be Self-Controlled

Guest: Dr. Steven Smith

 

Dr. Steven Smith is the senior pastor at Immanuel Baptist Church in Little Rock, AR. Here is his bio from their website:

• Steven W. Smith is a fourth-generation pastor and has served at Immanuel since 2017. After being a pastor for many years, Dr. Smith most recently served as Vice President for Student Services and Professor of Preaching at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dr. Smith enjoys writing and is the author of several books on preaching. He is honored to be a Senior Fellow for the Spurgeon Library of Midwestern Seminary.

 

For his advice to our T4M audience, Steven turned to the Book of Titus - the Apostle Paul’s letter about leadership with some sage wisdom for young and older men. Here’s what Paul wrote in Titus chapter 2:

 

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self–controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

 

Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.

Interesting note - for Paul’s wisdom to the young men, he gives only one thing - to be “self-controlled” or “self-disciplined.”

 

Discipline levels the playing field in life - get discipline and you’ll be successful regardless of what gifts and abilities you have or where you started!

 

“The resentment of discipline of any kind will warp the whole life away from God's purpose. We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the culture of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail.” Oswald Chambers

 

How can you learn the character quality of self-discipline? There are many ways to develop this characteristic in life - take up a musical instrument, play a sport, start a hobby and stick with it…learn to do hard things and develop this important attribute for success in life.

 

Other things that are helpful in developing self-control:

• Community - get some other guys on board with you to help encourage and challenge you toward your goals
• Accountability - set goals, communicate those with others who can hold you accountable

 

Proverbs 1:23 “If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.”

• A great life lesson is learning to TURN INTO the discipline, the hard things - don’t turn away, lean in and trust the process of growth and maturity, true growth takes effort and work - the only thing that grows without work is weeds!

 

Hebrews 12:9-11 “Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.”

• Learning these life disciplines are for a “short” time - then they can become habits and patterns for life!

 

Two types of discipline:

1. Corrective - you’ve done something wrong, this discipline moves you away from what is harmful toward what is helpful
2. Instructive - even if you haven’t done anything wrong, you can listen and learn and move toward things that are helpful in life

 

Steven Smith’s recommendation:

• Spurgeon by Arnold A. Dallimore
• The Titus Ten: Foundations for Godly Manhood by J. Josh Smith

 

Goal Setting - consider using Luke 2:52 as a framework - Jesus grew in wisdom, statute, and in favor with God and with man - how can you grow and mature in those four characteristics?

 

Final Thought - so much of the Bible IS WRITTEN TO YOUNG MEN!

• How awesome is that reality - God’s Word is intended to be a helpful tool and resource for young men who want to develop self-discipline in life so that they can be successful and lead their families, businesses, and communities!

”Learn to Pay the Extra Nickel” with LTC Allen West

Guest: LTC Allen West

 

Listen to LTC Allen West on his podcast Steadfast & Loyal on all the podcast platforms.

 

Bio from the Young America’s Foundation (YAF) website:

 

Lieutenant Colonel (Ret) Allen B. West is a Christian constitutional conservative, combat veteran, and former Member of the US Congress.

Allen West was born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia in the same neighborhood where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once preached. He is the third of four generations of military servicemen, all combat veterans, in his family.

West was commissioned through ROTC at the University of Tennessee as a Second Lieutenant (2LT) on July 31, 1982. He entered active duty service in the U.S. Army on November 1, 1983 at Fort Sill to attend the Field Artillery Officer Basic Course. He later attended airborne and jumpmaster training at Fort Benning. West’s first assignment was as an airborne infantry company fire support team leader and battalion training officer in the 325th Airborne Battalion Combat Team. In 1987, he was promoted to Captain and attended the Field Artillery Officer Advanced Course.

He was then assigned to the 1st Infantry Division, where he commanded Bravo Battery, 6th Field Artillery Regiment and was a Battalion Task Force fire support officer for 2d Battalion, 16th Infantry Regiment. While with the 1st Infantry Division, he participated in Operations Desert Shield and Operation Desert Storm.

West’s culminating assignment to his career was as Battalion Commander of the 2d Battalion 20th Field Artillery, 4th Infantry Division. He assumed command of this unit on June 6, 2002. He deployed with his unit during the Iraq War in 2003 and continued to command his battalion until his retirement from the Army in 2004 after 22 years of honorable service in defense of the Republic.

In November of 2010, Allen was honored to continue his oath of service to his country when he was elected to the United States Congress, representing Florida’s 22nd District. As a member of the 112th Congress, West introduced seven major pieces of legislation, and was the original sponsor of H. R. 1246 which reduces costs at the Department of Defense, was passed unanimously (393-0), and signed into law by President Obama as part of the National Defense Authorization Act. Congressman West voted for the Balanced Budget Amendment, and voted for over 30 different bills designed to empower small businesses, reduce government barriers to job creation, boost American competitiveness, encourage entrepreneurship and growth, and maximize American energy production.

West holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville and two Masters, one from Kansas State University and another from the US Army Command and General Staff Officers College.

He is the former Executive Director of the National Center for Policy Analysis in Dallas Texas. West is an avid distance runner, a Master SCUBA diver, a motorcyclist, and in his spare time he enjoys cheering his beloved Tennessee Volunteers.

 

LTC West tells the story of a young soldier Audie Murphy, a boy from Texas who joined the military and became the most decorated soldier during WWII.

 

What is it about the military that it was able to take a young boy and turn him into a man? West talks about the “crucible of combat” and the challenges that boys are looking for to help mold them into men - to be “All that they can be”!

 

Today’s culture is pushing back and “canceling” anything that makes anyone uncomfortable or allowing one person to stand out above another - the military of tomorrow will face greater challenges in molding and shaping the men of tomorrow!

 

Can a young man find this “formula” of “do hard things” outside the military?

• West suggests that a young man start with reading the Bible and specifically recommends the life lessons found in Romans 5 that talks about “rejoicing in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…”
• West also recommends that young people don’t quit when they run into adversity - learn to push through tough times
• West suggests that a young man START with solidifying their spiritual foundation - before they build their lives and careers, having a solid foundation is the key to a successful life!
• West warns against the current culture that celebrates “immediate gratification” - good things are worth the wait. Learn to have that “stick-to-itivness”
• West warns about the culture of the “participation trophy” - giving a reward for doing “nothing” - as LTC West says you have to “learn to pay the extra nickel if you want to go first class”

 

Investing Your Life into the Lives of Others

Guest: Von Minor

 

What are your strategies for battling against the distractions and discouragement of the world so that you can prosper and be successful?

 

Step 1 - Getting into the Word of God.

• Young guys - what ARE you reading?
• If you’re not reading anything, that means that you’re not reading God’s Word.
• Reading trains your mind to be able to digest significant and meaningful truths, to chew on and wrestle with difficult things.

 

Step 2 - You need to have an older man in your life as an example, model for life.

 

Step 3 - Before you get into a dating relationship, you need to be in a significant and meaningful relationship with God.

• Before God introduces Eve into creation, he establishes a relationship with Adam and gives Adam a mission and purpose - work to do.
• Learn how to grow your relationship with God and how to work hard as a man before you attempt to enter into a relationship with a young woman!

 

Step 4 - What kind of men are you looking to emulate - guys who are successful in a particular skill or in life?

• Will you spend time with a coach/trainer to get better at a particular sport but not spend time with a godly man to get better at life?

 

Older guys - do you have young men that you’re investing in?

• Von - older guys might feel like they’re disqualified because of hidden or unrepentant sin in their lives - get right with God so that you can be used by Him to influence the lives of others who need you!
• Dan - plenty of guys pretending to be men, we need more men who are real, authentic, broken by sin and redeemed and restored by Christ
• Guys - are you in the place where young men can see you living out your faith? Is there time on your calendar to invest in the lives of young men?

 

Young guys - have discernment with the men that you allow to speak into your life.

• Be careful of men who are “successful” at work but not at home
• Be careful of men who are not grounded in the Word of God and can only share from their personal experience and opinions
• Be careful of men who are not still growing in their relationship with God (you can tell that they feel like they’ve “arrived” - God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble)
• Be careful of guys who can only talk about spiritual things from a distance - their “testimony” is limited to a conversation experience when they were 7

 

”Minor-ing” on Mentoring

Guest: Von Minor

 

Von Minor went from a corporate career as a television ad exec to being a youth pastor and a church planter in Dallas.

 

Von Minor was dramatically impacted by the spiritual walk of a guy named Jodey Arrington, who now serves as the US Representative for Texas’ 19th congressional district.

• What other men are impacting your life, your path, your choices?
• What men are you influencing who look to you as their example, their standard?
• Great men are the mirrors by which ordinary men dress themselves - Thomas Watson.
• As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another - Proverbs 27:17

 

What stereotypes about men need to be challenged in your life?

• “Men” don’t like the symphony
• “Men” don’t cry
• “Men” don’t study the Word of God

 

Von’s three things that he knew he needed as a young man:

1. Job
2. Gym
3. Church (that teaches the Word of God)

 

Von realized the critical nature of having a godly mentor to share the journey with - an older man to lead by example and a younger man to pour wisdom into.

• Who is your “mentor” - that godly older man who speaks truth into your life?
• Who are you mentoring - that younger guy that you’re speaking life into?

 

What things are negatively affecting the maturation process on your spiritual journey?

• Social media (shortening your attention span, making it impossible to read and digest God’s Word)
• Your phone (constantly distracting you from the moment you’re in)
• Your “friends” (people around you who don’t have your best interest at heart)

Pursuing Purity

Guest: Grayson Frank

 

Remember, if you “outkick your coverage” in finding a spouse, it means that she settled for someone “below” her - and that’s not a compliment to her!

 

Grayson - how, practically speaking, do I “find the girl”? Grayson’s recommendation - let your family and friends “set you up” with someone they believe will be a good fit for your life!

 

Is it possible (or even desirable) to remain a virgin before you get married? How important is “purity” before and during marriage?

 

Dallas is the #1 city in America for marital infidelity - how sad is that?!

 

How does a young man keep his way pure (Psalms 119:9)?

 

What would you say to a young man who is sexually active before marriage, but wants to find the “right one” and then thinks he’ll be monogamous in marriage? Grayson says that what you’ve started before marriage isn’t going to change once you get married…so be careful!

 

Dan - whenever you introduce sexual intimacy into a relationship, it acts as a “ceiling” for the emotional intimacy in that relationship. In other words, if you have sex on the first (second, third…) date, that’s the emotional depth of that relationship.

 

Grayson’s recommendations:

1. Sin festers in isolation - so build community and accountability!
2. Communicate your expectations clearly - set your boundaries at the beginning, before you involve the emotions!
3. Don’t be “horizontal” - be aware of how your bodies are positioned!
4. Don’t be alone past a certain time - walls come down when you’re tired.
5. “Tuck your phone in bed” - be careful, porn is looking for you and it will cost you more than you're willing to pay in terms of purity and relational security.
6. Physical intimacy in private can easily go too far - Grayson had a “don’t kiss” unless you’re in public to help guard their relationship!
7. Understand that physical intimacy escalates as a relationship continues or you move from one relationship to another - evaluate what level of physical intimacy you’re at and compare that with where you ought to be.
8. From a biblical perspective (as designed by God), sex is the defining connection for a marriage relationship - what God has joined together, it’s very difficult and damaging to separate!

 

When some say that you need to have sex before marriage to make sure the relationship works out, that doesn’t make sense if the quality of the person you’re wanting to be in a relationship with is a “Rolls Royce”!

 

Guys who don’t communicate well with a girl will use physical touch to make a connection - and don’t underestimate the power and connection of physical touch - check out Dr. Joe McIlhaney’s powerful and important book Hooked.

 

Guys, develop your communication skills so that you can engage in meaningful conversations with others, especially those of the opposite sex - this will help you navigate relationships where you desire to maintain a proper level of purity.

 

One more thing can lower your inhibitions and put you in a situation to compromise your purity in a relationship - alcohol. Alcohol doesn’t help you make good decisions - so be careful.

 

It’s better to be single wanting to be married…than married and wanting to be single.

Finally, Training4Manhood is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization and donations are tax deductible. You can visit our website at Training4Manhood.com to make a donation using PayPal or can donate with a Zelle account to info@training4manhood.com

Serving in Your Season of Singleness

Guest: Grayson Frank

 

8 of out 10 teens believe they will cohabitate later in life - living together before you get married is a terrible idea and ends up compromising the health and well-being of the marriage relationship!

 

What things were you looking for in a spouse?

1. She had her mind made up, she was confident in who she was regardless of who else would be in the picture.
2. The way she uses her words - to build up or tear down, do her words carry weight and are meaningful and significant?
3. Someone you enjoy being with! The essence of marriage is a good friendship.

 

1 Samuel 16:18 - I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, who is skillful in playing, a man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and a man of good presence, and the Lord is with him.

 

How important is it to be physically attracted to the other person?  Take into consideration the wisdom of Proverbs 31:30 - Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

 

How do you prepare yourself for marriage?

1. Take on the mindset that you are getting ready to be in a serious, other-centered relationship.
2. What are you doing to make yourself “better” and “attractive” to a person who is looking for a husband, a man to lead her and her family in a meaningful way?
3. Consider looking for someone who has strengths where you’re weak and whose weaknesses are your strengths - makes for an awesome partnership!

 

What are you doing during your season of singleness to prepare yourself for marriage - are you serving others, sacrificing for the betterment of someone or something other than yourself?

 

Grayson - what would Christ be doing in your current situation - in your job, with your resources, etc…WWJD, what would Jesus do?!

 

Singleness doesn’t have to be a lack of enjoyment in life, but you have to begin to develop an “other-centered” mindset!

 

Finally, Training4Manhood is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization and donations are tax deductible. You can visit our website at Training4Manhood.com to make a donation using PayPal or can donate with a Zelle account to info@training4manhood.com

The Meaning of Marriage Chapters 7-8

Guests: Mike Thornberry and Gabe Boyd

 

Chapter 7 Singleness and Marriage

 

Paul was probably single, Jesus was a single man - singleness is not a curse or a weakness - it can truly be a gift in terms of time and single-minded attention and devotion to service to the Lord.

 

Singleness and marriage are both good and valuable and both should be dedicated to serving the Lord.

 

Gabe - your identity is not in being single. Your identity is that you’re a follower of Jesus. Put your identity in the things that won’t/can’t change.

 

Keller gives some excellent wisdom for a person who is single. If you understand the value and role of marriage, it will help you understand how you should navigate being single.

 

Chapter 8 Sex and Marriage

 

Keller - why does God confine sexual activity exclusively to marriage?

 

Mike - sex in marriage is a way to actually know God.

 

Dan - Christianity is not anti-sex or teaching a principle that sex is repressive - Christianity presents the most freeing and fulfilling concept of human sexuality possible - the way God designed it to be!

 

Sex without marriage is like eating food without tasting or swallowing it.

 

Mike - his Pope John Paul statement that porn doesn’t show too much, but too little. Think about that!

 

Gabe - quoting Martin Luther - you can’t stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making a nest in your hair. The idea is that you can’t avoid temptation, but you still have a choice as to whether you’ll pursue that temptation and act on it or if you’ll fight against it.

 

Dan - sex is akin to super glue - be careful what you stick to - because when you rip two things apart that have become one, it’s very, very harmful and damaging!

 

Mike - encouragement to surround yourself with true friends who will speak truth to you!

 

Mike - if you’re struggling, ASK for help.

Finally, Training4Manhood is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization and donations are tax deductible. You can visit our website at Training4Manhood.com to make a donation using PayPal or can donate with a Zelle account to info@training4manhood.com