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Guys, this is a podcast for males of all ages looking to understand what it means to be a man and live out those principles to the fullest.
Episodes
Monday May 16, 2022
Monday May 16, 2022
Guest: Will May
Proverbs 14:23 - Work brings profit, but mere talk leads to poverty!
Will - my dad taught me the value of hard work and the value of taking responsibility
How do you develop a strong and consistent work ethic? By working.
Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men…
What’s your “motivation” for work?
- External motivation - money, fame, power, etc…
- Internal motivation - I work because God has given me gifts to employ and has called me to work, therefore I work because that’s who I am and how I demonstrate God’s calling in my life
Great Commission - Matthew 28:16-20
Go and make disciples - or could be understood as “as you go” - so you can “make disciples” in whatever you’re doing!
What kinds of things are you looking for when you hire someone?
- “Nobody ever looks better than the day that you hire them”
- ICCE
- Intelligence - IQ, EQ, and curiosity (what questions are you asking?)
- Character - how do you treat other people?
- Coachability - do you listen well and make adjustments? Do you read?
- Experience - what have you done, have you been promoted before?
Intelligence and Character - at this point in your life, you’re probably not going to get much more of in your life!
Dan - the sign of intelligence is the ability to ask a good question
Are there dumb questions? YES!!!
Work ethic - starts with working hard…then can move to working smart. Are you engaged in your job and company, are you a self-starter or do you need to be told what to do?
Hard work includes understanding the value of REST…and recharging.
Will - try to figure out how to stick out a job for at least 12 months - don’t always look at the proverbial “greener” grass on the other side.
Will - think “cross-functionally”
Leadership Development Pipeline - learn how to lead yourself, then learn how to lead people, 7 different layers of leadership. Think about how to not only improve my role, but how my role can improve the overall company!
Things I can control and Things that matter - Venn diagram - where those two concepts overlap, that’s where you can get involved in making things better that aren’t specifically your responsibility
Will - do the “little things” - think about how what you do affects others - look to not only make yourself successful, but what makes others successful as well?
Recommended resources:
Vivid Vision: A Remarkable Tool for Aligning Your Business Around a Shared Vision of the Future by Cameron Herold
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jacko Willink
Monday May 09, 2022
Monday May 09, 2022
Guest: Hunter Dehn
Delayed Gratification - can I put off some things that I want, but don’t need now, to be able to get something better that I’ll need later?
Get your house in order first…get out of debt as fast as possible. Less debt is better than more debt! Watch out for short term, high-interest debt - credit cards can charge outrageous interest rates, be careful!
Hunter - the car you drive doesn’t make you as cool as you think it does!
Renting vs. Buying. You want to rent for the shortest amount of time possible. Rent in order to save money. If you’re paying as much in rent as you would for a home, that’s not a good financial plan!
When you go get a loan, they’re looking at two things:
- Debt to income ratio. How much money do you have left after taxes vs. how much debt are you carrying at the time (your existing debt obligations)
- Have some equity, some money to put down
Hunter - financial advice - try to have 6 months worth of expenses in savings, just in case
What should I be looking for in a home?
Location is the most important decision - try to be as close to the things that you’re going to be doing all the time, within reason. Some people are handy and can add value to a new home that needs a little work, others need to purchase a move-in ready home. Know what your skill set is. Handy, but don’t know how to do things - find a YouTube video - but be careful of DYI plumbing and electrical work!
Homes in Texas - moved from pier and beam foundations to slab foundations. Cast iron pipes in a slab foundation that crack and break over time can cost a lot of money to repair. Get a plumber to check the pipes and also look out for potential foundation problems.
Real Estate - you want a LOCAL expert in the housing market. A realtor can help you with the paperwork and legal issues no matter where they are located, but only a local expert understands the local housing market. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish (don’t save a “little” that will end up costing you a lot more!).
Hunter - find a good, knowledgeable lender. Start by getting your credit score in order. Develop a good credit history - don’t let your credit amount get above 50% of your credit limit - and make sure you are paying off your credit card monthly. Lenders want to see that you’re a good investment - a responsible borrower who makes their payments on time.
Monday May 02, 2022
Monday May 02, 2022
Guest: James Emery White
Pastor, Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, NC
President of Serious Times a ministry that explores the intersection of faith and culture, find more about this at ChurchandCulture.org
Find someone further down the road - get into a mentoring relationship!
In life, God doesn’t often give clarity. He wants you to trust Him and walk by faith, not by sight.
Where are your giftings and passions - and how is God going to weave the way that He’s created you into a life path and career?! Your gifts tell you what to do, your passions tell you where.
There is a big difference between success and significance. Significance is what we’re really made for - making a difference in this one and only life!
Historical mentoring - read biographies of men who lived life well. Dr. White recommended one book that influenced his life - Borden of Yale.
Advice on relationships with women - don’t compromise. Don’t date someone that you know that you should not marry (a person who is not a believer, Scripture speaks to the issue of being “unequally yoked” or connected your life with a person who does not have Christ at the center of their life). Second biggest decision in life - who you’re going to marry. Don’t play around with this decision. What you’re looking for is someone who becomes more attractive to you the more you get to know them and spend time with them - the concept of “inward beauty.” More important thing in a relationship is to be “one in Christ.”
Advice on relationships with guys - when you spend time with someone, are you being influenced or are you the influencer - be honest, are you getting sharpened by spending time with that person?! Do I walk away wanting to do more for Jesus…or a little less loving and generous? Be honest with how others influence you. Guy, also don’t discount the influence of both older men and women - for example, The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom, great book for everyone to read.
Dr. White is the author of more than 20 books - here are the 8 books of his that I’ve read and recommend:
A Traveler's Guide to the Kingdom
The DaVinci Question
Monday Apr 25, 2022
Monday Apr 25, 2022
Guest: Dr. Rick Fowler
There are a lot of challenges for boys in the transition to manhood - which is why the phrase “boys will be boys” is profound and needs to be addressed!
We are not born with “executive functioning” skills - they must be developed. According to Understood.org, “executive function is a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. We use these skills every day to learn, work, and manage daily life. Trouble with executive function can make it hard to focus, follow directions, and handle emotions, among other things.” Sound like anyone you know?!
Brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. Is this an excuse for why “boys will be boys” or something to know, address, and work to handle?
Dr. Fowler - kids aren’t expected to be out of the home and on their own until the age of 32. WHAT?!
“Lawnmower parents” - mowing down any obstacles in the way of their children.
Dr. Fowler - you need these three things to be successful:
- Self-discipline - you have choices, make good ones
- Intrinsic motivation - your motivation to get up and get moving must come from within, not because of external factors (money, etc.)
- Delayed gratification - putting off immediate pleasures for something that you want that’s better, but you need to wait for it, save for it, etc…
Make Your Bed by Admiral William H. McRaven
Dr. Fowler - if you’ve been in the cocoon of a protective parent, you might need to be a “life-coach” to help you navigate the difficult waters of adulting.
Dr. Fowler - social media addiction works in the brain the same way as ADHD - hard to tell the difference…
Dr. Fowler - encouragement helps. If you’re an older man, speak words of encouragement into the life of those younger letting them know they can accomplish things. Check out Dr. Fowler’s own personal testimony What’s the Problem…I Understand Me: How Those with ADHD Think, Learn, and Communicate.
Dr. Fowler - ADHD - the “D” doesn’t have to be a disorder, but can be seen as a difference. If you understand how your brain works best, you’ll be able to accomplish tasks better!
Dan’s suggestions - carry a four-color pen and a notebook with you at all times!
Dr. Fowler - most ADHD people are highly kinesthetic - and need an energy release before their mind will be able to focus!
Guys - let’s take the time to learn more about how we learn best - let’s not make excuses, but look for ways that we can be better!
READING and MEMORIZATION - important life skills for men - more on this coming soon to T4M!
Monday Apr 18, 2022
Monday Apr 18, 2022
Guest: Rob Wilton
Pastor, Vintage Church, Pittsburgh, PA
Jesus radically saved Rob’s grandfather, which changed the trajectory of his entire family!!!
What if YOU are the only believer in your family - YOU can be that legacy that passed down a different path for your great-grandkids!
Guys, if you don’t have an example of what a man should be - Jesus is THE greatest example, THE greatest man. Ephesians 3:14-15: “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.” God, the Father, is the Creator, the Provider, the Sustainer.
Wilton Family Manifesto - We are a family that has been loved by Jesus in order to love like Jesus so that the world will know Jesus by our love. Together we remain thankful for His love, faithful in His love, and generous with His love.
1 John 4:19, Deut. 6:5, Gal. 5:14
My job as a father - stewardship of teaching the men in my household the dynamics of manhood, especially as it relates to womanhood. Here are the responsibilities: 1. Love her, we are to love as Christ loved the church, that means sacrifice. 2. Protect her, keep away “bad” things from those you love. 3. Support her, we make others feel valuable. 4. Learn from her, women are our “battle partners in life” and help us in our journey toward Christ-likeness!
Psalm 144:12 - May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown and our daughters be like pillars carved (polished) to adorn a palace.
Appreciate the role that women play in helping to shape the man that God intended for you to be! Men, how are you treating ALL the women in your life - mom, teachers, waitress, co-workers, boss, neighbor, friend…
Resources for young men:
Wild at Heart and Captivating by John Eldredge (and Stasi)
Raising Men by Eric Davis - lessons from Navy SEALS…
Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson
No More Excuses and Kingdom Men Rising by Dr. Tony Evans
The Intentional Father by Jon Tyson
Take-away - don’t just tell your kids how much you love them, SHOW them! Let all that you do be soaked in love.
Monday Apr 11, 2022
Monday Apr 11, 2022
Guest: Jaco Booyens
To find out more about Jaco Booyens and his efforts to battle against child sexual exploitation, check out his ministry website or personal website.
Raised by a single mom, Jaco found some “father figures” in sport - his coaches taught him some valuable life lessons…how to shave, mow lawns, etc.
Men, we all know that child sexual exploitation is awful, but there is a question that we need to ask ourselves - “Am I part of the problem?”
Guys need to have accountability - men who will hold you accountable to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Men, you may not be exploiting children, but you might be “feeding the beast.” If you’re looking at pornography, at any level, you are engaging in the exploitation of people
Sex trafficking is a symptom of a larger problem - the problem of self-centeredness.
Men were made to be “hunters” - what are we hunting for? Ideally he is supposed to hunt evil, injustice, find the outcast and underprivileged. Today, we see young men holding up a cell phone and recording an injustice - PUT THE PHONE DOWN and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
How do we move from being the guy who records evil to become the guy who protects others from evil?
Start with you - get real with yourself. Where have I contributed to either evil progressing in the world or doing battle against the darkness?!
Jaco - I promise the answer won’t come from your peers! You learn from the older, wiser men. Invest in your own life and careers - stop spending all your time focused on the lives of “famous” people who aren’t giving you a good example anyway!
Jaco - get rid of your “coping mechanisms” - the things that you run to when life is difficult that really don’t help you address the situation, just cover it up and prolong the pain.
Jaco - pay attention to this statistic - 88% of the guys in prison come from a fatherless environment. They don’t have a role model for a different lifestyle. We need men who are modeling the truth about what a true man looks like.
IF you want to be that man who steps up and steps out to be different, don’t expect that others will cheer you on and support you - if it’s the right thing to do, you need to do it regardless of the cost and the isolation!
IF you see the “Goliath” and know that he must be defeated, you’ll most likely be fighting alone. If you’re in the “crowd” and lots of people are doing what you’re doing, you’re most likely going the wrong way! The only thing that grows without work is weeds - in the garden and in your life.
Bezos, Gates, Zuckerberg, Musk - all good examples of succeeding against all odds - great for success in business, but not good examples for being successful in other aspects of life.
Jaco - walk the road that is lonely, it will be worth it. The crowd will come and support AFTER you cut off the head of the giant, not before.
Jaco - be the “rudder in the room.” It’s not a call out, it’s a call UP. Men, step UP to be the men that God has created and called you to be. Amen.
Monday Apr 04, 2022
Monday Apr 04, 2022
Guest: Gabe Boyd
Dating 201 - Both Gabe and I agree that the responsibility to pursue in a relationship generally falls on the guy. Let’s continue our examination of this…
Gabe: in the concept of pursuing a woman, marriage is not the “finish line.” As a man, you are always after her heart, learning more about her, taking the relationship deeper and growing in intimacy!
“Markers” in a relationship are important - birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries - but men should be intentional about growing the relationship “every” day of the year as well.
Remember that if a guy is “out-kicking his coverage” it might also imply that a girl is settling for less. Guys, if you’re looking to pursue and connect your life with a quality woman, you need to make sure you step up your life to not only meet her on that level of maturity, but also get to the point where you can lead her in your relationship.
Guys - pursue a woman well - be intentional about the time you spend together - this shows her that she is valuable and worthy of your time and attention. A woman who is an “after-thought” will soon be just that. And, your continued pursuit of that woman can and should continue throughout the year, and year after year. Guys, if you’re more concerned about lowering your golf score than you are about improving your relationship with your wife, you need to reevaluate your priorities.
Myths that Guys Believe:
- I’ll do whatever it takes to get her attention. If you need to do something “out of character” to get her attention, that will backfire on you - be confident in the man that you are and work to win the attention of a young lady with quality and significance. Remember your character is being revealed in your actions - Proverbs 20:11 says that even a child is known by his actions.
- Alcohol makes me a more desirable person - funnier, more charming, more confident. Wrong. If you believe that you’re a better version of yourself under the influence of alcohol, then what happens to a relationship with someone when you’re not under the influence - you’re boring, not charming, not confident? Don’t let the “best version” of yourself only be revealed because of the influence of alcohol! For many, the worst version of who they are is also revealed under the influence of alcohol.
- One for the girls…a bad relationship is better than no relationship. Nope. If you’re worth the wait, don’t settle for less than God’s best!
- Guys can treat girls the same way we treat our buddies! Nope. Girls are not guys with long hair who smell nice. Girls are different and should be treated differently than one of the boys! This takes some work for guys, but it’s worth it.
How should we “start” a relationship with a young woman?
- Look to serve others.
- Learn the art of conversation.
- Learn how to ask a good, thought-provoking question.
- Look to build a friendship before you even build a “relationship.”
- Learn how to treat all women with respect and value.
- Learn how to compliment a girl on something other than her appearance - her character, her abilities, etc.
Guys - don’t wait for a girl to pull you up to her standard, get busy and put in the work and effort to be the man that the woman you’re interested in needs to lead her and love her well.
Take-away: men, look to make everyone around you feel valuable and significant in the way that you treat them!
Monday Mar 28, 2022
Monday Mar 28, 2022
Guest: Gabe Boyd
Dating 101 - let’s start having a conversation about the role and responsibility of young men and young ladies as they are looking at dating. Should a young lady wait for a guy to call…or is it ok in today’s culture for a young lady to pursue (call/text) a guy for a date? Should a couple wait to have sex until marriage…or is that just an outdated religious restriction?
Great resource for helpful information, especially for dads raising daughters: Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development by Dr. Joe McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush - you NEED to know this information about how our bodies (emotions and chemicals) work!
The follow up to Hooked is a book called Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America’s Sexual Culture Does to Young Women - another valuable resource for both parents and young women to understand!
Some research suggests that when sex is introduced into a relationship, the emotional “depth” for that relationship is set - meaning, that if a couple has sex on the first date (or whenever it is introduced), their relationship will not grow emotionally deeper beyond that time. Great concept to think about and argument for waiting until marriage before having sex.
“Friend zone” - great place to start, being friends! Good and healthy relationships more than likely actually grow out of good friendships!
Sexual experience - we need to experiment so that we can prepare for our future marriage relationship - is that a good argument? Would you buy a car without a test drive? Depends on the car - I’d drive a Rolls Royce without a test drive!!! How do you view the girl that you’re dating - is she a Rolls Royce…or a clunker?
Whose responsibility is it to set the boundaries for the physical relationship? Gabe and I both agree that this is the responsibility of the man in the relationship! And, we also agree that healthy boundaries are VITAL to a healthy relationship - we see the value of boundaries in so many other aspects of life - think about sports, for example, and the importance of boundaries on a field that help define what is “fair” and what is “out of bounds.” As a man, you need to set proper boundaries for your relationships.
SnapChat - “the medium is the message” concept applies here. IF the message is so unimportant and irrelevant that it’s going to disappear after a few seconds, that speaks to the quality of the message (and probably the relationship) itself. The depth of your communication is a great indicator of the depth of the relationship! Guys, learn to have a meaningful, significant, deep conversation with a girl. Guys, the time, energy, and effort you put into good communication with a young lady demonstrates her value to you.
Take-Away: evaluate your “communication” with others - does it convey the quality that I think of that other person?
Monday Mar 21, 2022
Monday Mar 21, 2022
Guest: Gabe Boyd
T4M Update:
- Training4Manhood is now officially a licensed non-profit 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization - donations to help support the ongoing work, ministry, and education of T4M are tax deductible and greatly appreciated! Check out our T4M website for opportunities to support our organization!
- BLOG section of the website coming soon - articles, resources, other ways to connect!
- Ideas for a future episode of T4M? If you want us to talk/train about something in particular, email me at info@training4manhood.com
- Distribution of T4M - second highest audience outside the US - the folks in Botswana! While it may be “one of the most sparsely populated countries in the world” (Wikipedia) - the good people of Botswana are listening to T4M and we are very thankful for you and hope that what is being discussed is helping guys be the men that God has created them to be! If you’re one of our listeners in Botswana, we’d love to hear from you - again, email is info@training4manhood.com
- T4M podcasts are now available on GOOGLE Podcasts!!! If you listen to podcasts on Google, T4M is there!!!
- We are going to be releasing our QUARTERLY BOOK DISCUSSIONS soon - these will be coming out with a FRIDAY release date so our normal Monday T4M episodes and discussions will not be affected. We will announce the books that we’ll be reading and discussing soon so that you can read along with us!
Went with Mike Thornberry to hear Jordan Peterson on his current tour. Some very interesting and very well informed perspectives on life…appreciate his thoughtfulness and willingness to share and add to the great conversation of our culture.
Timeless principles of manhood - because God stands outside time, space, and culture, the principles from God’s Word have a universal application to all men everywhere at all times! The principles of what makes a man that are taken from Scripture are as valuable now as they were thousands of years ago when written!
What is the percentage of children who are being raised in a home without a father - without a man to train a man, without a man to model “manhood” both to the future generations of men and women?!
Older men, great men - are you looking to pass on your wisdom and experience to a younger man who wants to learn, grow, and mature?
What role do books play in this process? As mentioned above, we will be rolling out our Quarterly Book Discussions - we’ll read a book and then record our perspectives and thoughts on the book - a new book each quarter - and we’ll break down the book into four segments, four podcast discussions, to be released on Friday mornings along with our normal Monday T4M episodes.
John Wooden - first thing Coach Wooden started with - a T4M principle - the socks!!!
Take-away: Find a book about a GREAT MAN and learn more about what made them great!
Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court by John Wooden and Steve Jamison
Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery by Eric Metaxas
Monday Mar 14, 2022
Monday Mar 14, 2022
Guest: David Salas
Critical thinking begins with proper self-reflection and self-examination!
George MacDonald - “Foolish is the man, and there are many such men, who would rid himself of discomfort by setting the world right, by waging war on the evils around him, while he neglects that integral part of the world where lies his business, his first business, namely, his own character and conduct.”
1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as a man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
Manhood - what our culture celebrates is more often the externals - appearance, wealth, accomplishments - but what God’s Word says is important for a man is that he has a heart that pursues the Lord.
Men are body, soul, and spirit - all three are important. Don’t just focus on one to the detriment of the others.
David - people don’t just “drift” toward holiness. Holiness is a climb, it’s uphill, it takes effort to get better! Thomas Watson wrote that the only thing that grows without effort is weeds! If you want to get better, it’s going to take effort - reflection - self-examination.
Dan - my birthday is the day of self-reflection - what are the things that we improved on this year, what are the areas where we can grow in the next year?
A “friend” is a person who can be honest with you and point out some “blind spots” to help you be the best version of yourself as possible! My spouse is my greatest advocate…and my greatest critic! Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” A life-partner who can speak truth to you is a tremendously valuable asset to have! Nothing civilizes a man like a good marriage!
Critical Thinking/Self-Examination
- How will this attitude or action play itself out in five years?
- Who are you, what were you made for, what have you done with the gifts, abilities, talents, etc that you’ve been given?
- To whom are you comparing yourself to - other contemporaries, or other great men - or to the “best” version of yourself? Ernest Hemingway, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.” What if the “cloud of witnesses” in Hebrews 12 include men and women that have walked a similar walk to yours in previous times - guys like you that have gone before you and passed you the baton of life?
When you read the Bible…the Bible reads you!
If you want to develop your critical thinking skills, you need to be a reader - a reader of books, people, and situations. Walk slowly, pay attention, think before you speak and when you open your mouth, add value to the conversation!
Take-away - who are the individuals who have gone before you - that you walk in their footsteps or stand on their proverbial shoulders - find them, learn from the example of their life and journey - and then realize that there are others who will follow in your footsteps years from now.