Training4Manhood

Importance of Home Ownership

If men are to be the leaders of their family and their community, then having a vested interest in the community is important - owning a home is a vital piece of the puzzle toward responsibility.

Fred Villa - RE/MAX real estate agent

What is the “right” home?

Lending Agent is going to be looking at:

1. Income
2. Debt
3. Cash on hand
4. Credit scores

Finding the “right” home includes considerations like…

1. Finding the right price point (what can you afford?)
2. Location, location, location (where do you want to be - city, rural, schools, family, job, neighborhood, etc)
3. What type/size house feels right to you?
4. What amenities do you have to have - pool, square footage, number of bedrooms, one story or two, etc…)

How can you improve your credit score?

1. Start by establishing solid credit - finance a few things and make sure you pay off your bills!
2. Couple of years to repair bad credit - talk to a solid lender to see what they’re looking at…

Home ownership = “building equity”

Why would you buy a home…when would you buy a home?

1. See if you’re in the right place - are you wanting to stay there for a while?
2. Take some time to see where you want to be in that community
3. Remember that if you’re renting, you’re not going to want to spend money improving a home and making it “yours” - you may not have the right to make significant changes and you won’t be able to recoup those expenses when you leave
4. Make a financial plan to save enough money to purchase a home
5. Home ownership gives you an opportunity to make connections with people, neighbors - building community, investing not just in yourself, but in the well-being of others!

Do I need a real estate agent?

1. A real estate agent will help you understand the market from an objective point of view, can pull comps (comparable selling prices to consider)
2. A real estate agent will help you understand the value of certain expenditures - where should you invest in your home, will you get some of that money back if and when you sell?
3. Buyers - do not pay a real estate agent! Seller agrees to pay a commission between a selling and a buying agent.
4. A real estate agent has great connections to inspectors, repair companies and individuals, etc.

What are the “red flags” that you should pay attention to when purchasing a home?

1. Homes that back up to RR tracks, power lines, major highways, etc. - things that you can’t change and 80% of the people are bothered by these things
2. Look at the home, location, traffic at different times, different days…
3. Consider the homes around - are the neighbors keeping up their properties?

20% down rule? No, not everyone needs to have 20% down!

Understand the difference between a “buyers” market and a “sellers” market.

Interest rates affect the amount of home you can purchase with the same amount of money! Better credit will get you better interest rates!

Ready to buy a home - DON’T call the person’s name on the “For Sale” sign - their interest is in selling the home, not helping you buy the home!

Finding the PEACE of God

Unleashing Peace: Experiencing God’s Shalom in Your Pursuit of Happiness

Dr. Jeremiah Johnston

Yes, MEN struggle with anxiety and depression, too!

Isolation is the worst form of punishment - are you disconnected from a vibrant, real, faith-building community? Guys, we need to take the time and make the effort to develop strong relationships with others.

STRESS kills people - it poisons your body! There is a world-wide focus on the “mental health crisis” - 51% increase of actual hospitalization because of suicidal inclinations last year! Do not ignore your mental health!

48% of men will have a challenge with mental health some time in their lives.

Peace happens through an action verb: thinking. We need to get our minds right, our thoughts placed on things that help us, build us up, equip us to be the men we desire to be!

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Learning to apologize “correctly” - means first saying what you’re sorry for….then actually asking for forgiveness.

Immediate Steps to Care for Your Body and Mind

1. Get enough sleep
2. Have daily fitness time
3. Work on daily stress management
4. Be intentional about what you put into your body
5. Maintain a healthy weight

First 5 people to email me the name of Jeremiah’s wife at info@training4manhood.com will receive a free copy of Dr. Johnston’s book!

Men are Teachable

A boy knows enough to think he’s right; a man knows enough to realize he might be wrong.

I’m going to be teachable enough to learn.

Remember the guy on your team that was “coachable” - that’s the same concept.

Are you afraid of showing “weakness” that you don’t know everything - that’s simply your pride talking…don’t listen to that voice!

Think about some of the great coaches you’ve had in life - why were you able to listen to them when you were younger, but you find it difficult to listen to “coaches” now in life?

Coaches - what if we evaluated coaches based on the number of great men they produced, not the number of championships they’ve won? In some regard, we look at the “coaching tree” of great coaches - but what about the players they’ve “produced” - what kind of men are they not merely on the court/field, but also in life?

Matthew 10:24 - a student will not be above his teacher.

What “teachers” do you need to have in your life to be successful? Depends on what you’re trying to accomplish!

Where do you find great “life coaches/teachers”?

1. Great books. Consider the wisdom of men who have walked the good walk before your time. 
2. Godly men. Pray for the Lord to open your eyes to great men to model the way for you.

Thomas Watson - great men are the mirrors by which ordinary men dress themselves.

What “great men” are you watching, learning from, modeling your life after?

We must lead wherever you are deployed. Look around you. If you’re a godly man, look for those younger than you to lead and guide. If you’re looking for a godly man to mentor and disciple you, are you making time and putting yourself in the right position to find those men?

Men are teachable. But they need to have a teacher. Jesus is not only the greatest man, He was the greatest teacher. His disciples called him Rabbi - which means “teacher.”

Plan to Succeed

1. What books will you read this next year? (if you need book recommendations, email me at info@training4manhood.com)
2. What movies can you watch to teach valuable life lessons?
3. What activities can you engage in to redeem your time?
4. How can you best use times like “family dinner” and make the most of those opportunities?

Parents - Issue: sending your son to be trained by others (think summer camp). Problem: boys are not willing to work and can’t be told what to do. If you’re not training your boys at home, don’t expect others to be able to train them either!

If you don’t learn valuable life lessons when you’re young…when will you learn them?

Take-away - who is in your “coaching tree”? Where are the men who are teaching you - and who are the younger men that you’re teaching? What resources are you using to learn valuable life lessons?

Counting the Cost

We should be men who are engaged in not just making ourselves better, but making others and our community better as well.

Men should not be hiding behind our phones (or whatever) watching people - we need to engage, take a step to make a difference, insert ourselves into a situation to make it better!

Men have to reject the apathy of inaction. We have to be intentional.

West Point’s Four Appropriate Responses:

1. Yes sir.
2. No sir.
3. No excuse sir.
4. Sir, I do not understand.

 

Default setting for most people - it’s not my responsibility. As a man, YOU have ownership and responsibility - whether you take it or not. Men, you need to step up and TAKE IT.

Whose fault is it? Mine.

GK Chesterton. What’s wrong with the world? I am.  Personal responsibility - I can take action, do something - stop worrying about what others aren’t doing, YOU do something to make the situation better. Manhood isn’t about being a spectator - it’s about being on the field, in the arena!

Theodore Roosevelt - “Man in the Arena” - It’s not the critic that counts....

West Point - “In absence of further orders, attack.” Don’t sit there and wait...do something!

IF something is wrong - and I see it - I own it, I take action.

Broken window theory - if there’s a broken window, it gives the impression that things aren’t being taken care of. Take away - look for the small things to address and make sure you keep up with the little things because they send a message about the whole.

New York - Mayor Rudy Giuliani - took all the graffiti off all the subway trains…what “small” things do you need to pay attention to which address the larger concepts in your life?

I need you to do this. Why? Why do we do what we do - “at whose pleasure am I serving?” We need to be men of action because we’ve been called to do great and mighty things. Our why is love - and action springs from love.

You’re going to have to sacrifice. Action will cost you either your preference or your pride.

Important to count the cost - what are you willing to pay to do the action that you should be doing - there are things that men NEED to do that actually cost you to do them - valuable things always come at a cost!

Cost/Benefit Analysis - what ARE you providing for your family? Is material success, at the cost of time invested in your family, worth it?

The “fuel” that you get from personal achievement runs out - the “fuel” you get from a life worth living, the “examined” life devoted to something greater than yourself...that fuel will sustain you.

Mike Thornberry - “Everyone wants to follow Christ until He actually tells you where He wants you to go.”

Action Plan - STOP, count the cost of the path you’re on - if you achieve everything that you want to achieve, what will the cost be to get to where you want to be? What if you could only achieve your top priority...what would that be?

Mission Critical

Men should be men of action...but what does that mean?

Mike Thornberry - West Point grad, 1996 US Olympic men’s handball team

How does God “fine tune” our lives? Puts us in community - Proverbs 27:17 - “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” How does iron “sharpen” iron - by clashing against each other - conflict...you need to have men around you that you can smash your ideas against to see what is true and right and good…

When you say something to your children...that God is wanting to say to you - check out Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David Tripp...convicting to the core!

“Mission” - the WHY of what I’m doing…your actions reveal your mission. What do your actions reveal about your mission - are you driven by self-pleasure and self-glorification or do you have a higher, better, more meaningful mission for your life?

Do you look at the END to determine the path that you choose in life? What do you want said at your funeral - by your wife, your children, your business partners/coworkers, your neighbors, etc.?

How do I determine what my “mission” is?

1. Is what you’re doing temporal or eternal?
2. The “Nathan Hale test” - “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.” Does what you’re doing meet the requirement that you’d be willing to die for it?

These are pretty steep concepts - but it helps you evaluate the actions that you take in light of something larger than yourself. Are you consumed by personal pleasure and temporary satisfaction or are you interested and invested in living a larger story with the days you’ve been given?

Accountability - so important to surround yourself with men who will hold you accountable to the standard of the type of man that you say you want to be. Do you have men in your life who are willing and able to speak truth into your life - even if, and especially when, that truth hurts?!

Importance of team sports - surrounded by a group of men who won’t let you settle for less than  your best - why do we do this when we’re young, but remove ourselves from community when we get older?

Japanese art form that puts pieces of broken pottery back together with gold - making the broken pottery more valuable and precious after it’s been broken and repaired, usually seen as a metaphor for embracing your brokenness and what Christ can do to redeem and restore what was once broken and discarded - is called Kintsugi.

Action Item - where can you find an older man to mentor you - church! Yes, men, you need to be involved in a good church where you can find older, wiser men to mentor you in life. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

 

It Takes a Man to Make a Man

November is National Adoption Month. You’ll want to listen and engage with this incredible conversation with Tim and Kati Matthews and prayerfully consider what you can do to help those who are without meaningful parental influence. Our church has a special program to highlight the need and opportunity for those considering foster care and adoption called CHOSEN (Christ’s Hope for Orphans - Supporting, Embracing, Nurturing) - and you can look for something similar in your community as well. There are so many things you can do to help those young boys (and girls) who are growing up without parents to love, nurture, and provide for them - if fostering or adopting a child into your family at this time isn’t an option, financially supporting someone who is doing this incredible work would be a great place to start.

As you listen to Tim’s story - of a young man growing up without a father-figure and then God turning his life around so that Tim is now not only able to lead his wonderful family, but also adopt a young boy who probably would have been in a similar situation without a father - that’s a great T4M story! Of course, the adoption story that everyone can have - of being adopted into the family of God by faith, through grace, and the redemptive work of Jesus on the cross - paying the price for our sins and clothing us in His righteousness - that’s the greatest adoption story EVER - and if you have never asked God to make you His son, through the forgiveness of your sins, that’s the first step toward truly being the man that God intended! Thomas Watson wrote in The Godly Man’s Picture, “When the Lord pardons a sinner, he does not pay a debt, but gives a legacy.” There is more to surrendering your life to Christ than the forgiveness of sin - much, much more - the life that God offers, according to John 10:10, is the “abundant life” - filled with the presence and power of God!

The action step from this episode was to first prayerfully consider fostering and/or adopting a child. The second was to be intentional about being in a mentoring/discipleship relationship - for a man to have an older man to speak truth and provide wisdom on his journey, and then for that man to turn and pass that along to a younger man - Tim reminded us that this isn’t an option, but a commandment found in Titus 2:2 - and you need to be obedient in this endeavor. It takes a man...to make a man...let's get busy about doing this important work!

Taking an Honest Assessment

Recorded at Sky Ranch - incredible student and family camps in Texas, Oklahoma, and Colorado!

This is a conversation with two good friends - Jared Wood and Chase Hilbert. Jared is the lead man in the band playing at Sky Ranch - he's a professional musician leading worship across the country - check out his music at JaredWoodMusic.com. Jared's music is the intro/outro for T4M.

How to get an honest and helpful life assessment if all you have around you are peers at the same life stage that you’re in?

Raise the bar. Compare yourself to God’s Word as the ultimate standard for your life. Also, start to walk with some older men who can speak truth into your life.

94% of men will never read another book from cover to cover after finishing their formal education. That is a ridiculous statistic - and one that we are going to change - guys, here are some reading suggestions - you need to set a goal to read at least one book each month - that’s 12 books a year. Start with one of these - email me at info@training4manhood.com for more recommendations!

Thoughts for Young Men by JC Ryle

The Godly Man’s Picture by Thomas Watson

A Mind for God by James Emery White

Serious Times by James Emery White

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson

Play the Man by Mark Batterson

If you want to get better at anything, you have to start somewhere...and work to improve, put into practice a set of principles that work toward your improvement. Remember, I often say, “The only thing that grows without work is weeds.” Improving as a man takes effort - deliberate and intentional effort.

My Life Verse is Jeremiah 12:5 - if you’ve raced with men and they’ve tired you out, how can you compete with the horses - if you’ve stumbled in the safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

Do you have a Life Verse? How can you find a verse in Scripture that speaks to you? First, you need to be a Christian - the Word of God is written to those who are surrendered and open to God’s direction. Second, you need to spend time in Scripture - and as you read the Word, the Word reads you! Look for a verse that really speaks to you - not just a verse that you want to speak to you (for example, Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” - for many, that’s more of a verse about what YOU can do, not what God is looking to do in you and through you) - so keep reading until you find something that really speaks to your heart.

Jared - I used to think, “Therapy is weakness.” That was pride. You need community to do life well. You need to surrender the idea that you know everything and don’t need help - we ALL need help, guidance, and challenge from others! A man needs other men to call him UP to a higher standard!

Chase - know thyself! You need to be honest with yourself. When you isolate yourself from others, it’s usually because you don’t want honest community around you!

TAKE-AWAY - buy a book, read a book (finish it) - look, you’re already making an improvement and an investment into a better you!!!

True Masculinity 2

Following the first conversation with Jacob Browning, this episode tackles the idea of men and abuse head on and challenges the narrative that all men are violent abusers. From the book The Boy Crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell (not a recommendation), a poem expresses the concept that men are “attackers” and both Jacob and Dan challenge that assessment and put the responsibility back on each individual to make choices to be men who are protectors and providers of others, not abusers.

Jacob takes the listener to 1 Peter 3:7 which reads, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (ESV). The biblical standard of a man (especially a husband) is one who takes time to understand and appreciate his wife and cherishes her as a valuable part of his life and ministry - knowing that the Lord looks to protect His children.

Dan brought in the idea that physical abuse is not the only abuse that some face - there is also emotional and verbal abuse as well. Some have misapplied the writing of Paul in Ephesians 5:22, which states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands” (ESV) and sought to use the verse as a stick to force women into submission instead of taking their focus down three more verses to Ephesians 5:25 which calls men to the high standard described, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (ESV).

Practically speaking, men wanting to see the example of what true masculinity looks like need to examine the life of Jesus Himself - as written in Scripture. Dan suggested that men ought to watch the physical depiction of these Biblical narratives brought to life in the show called The Chosen - which is an incredible television drama created, written, and directed by Dallas Jenkins (download and watch on The Chosen app). In addition, check out some great books that raise the standard of what it means to be a man - here are a few suggestions:

A Man of God by Jack Graham

The Godly Man’s Picture by Thomas Watson

Play the Man by Mark Batterson

Point Man, Finishing Strong, King Me by Steve Farrar

True Masculinity

Children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior, not arrows in the hands of a wimp. Men aren’t wimps. But, what does that mean true masculinity is - a strong, rough and tumble man? Listen and learn from the personal experience of Jacob Browning who grew up in a home where physical abuse was present - how did Jacob respond and what steps did he take to make sure that he didn’t pass along those abusive traits to his family?

What life lessons does physical abuse teach children? Jacob shares how he was taught that men dominate a situation and others and that men should use physical force to exert themselves and get their way. What about the Biblical stories of when God uses force to restrain evil - when is the use of force allowed and helpful? Jacob has a powerful testimony of God's grace and transforming power in his life!

Men at the City Gates

Listen to an important conversation with MY state legislator and good friend Matt Shaheen as we discuss all things "politics" - WAIT, don't ignore this episode - it's vital for men to be leaders in their communities and being active, informed and engaged in the political arena is one opportunity for your voice to be heard on issues that affect not only your family (and your pocketbook), but also affect your community and the lives, businesses, and families of those around you. Listen, learn, lean into this conversation - then go out and be involved as a man "at the city gates."

 

Step 1 Register to Vote - check out Vote.gov or visit the Secretary of State's website in your home state.

Step 2 Get to know the issues - check out the "party platforms" of both major political parties. Republican and Democrat

Step 3 Compare your values and principles to the "party platforms" and assess which principles you want to advance with your vote.